therapeutic use of self

Today was a beautiful day at work. It wasn't my most fun day ever, or day when the most members came to my groups. But it was a day when I finally got to use my experience with suffering to relate to the members on a deeper level.

I created a quality of life group for the members because I am a firm believer that there is more to life than just showering and dressing. Our healthcare system discharges individuals from rehab after they reach those milestones. Those are important activities, no doubt, but they are by no means the indications of a high quality of life. My group addresses issues such as pain, sleep, relationships, meaningful leisure engagement, etc, which are topics not often addressed in the primary care system. Today we discussed pain.

The group is called Thrive! because my supervisor had made a comment that "its not just about surviving, but thriving." Well, today, while discussing pain, one of the members said, "You know, I don't want to just survive" and I said, "Right, you want to thrive. That's why this group is called that." And then talked about how I feel there is more to life than just the basics. And she just looked at me in surprised appreciation and said, "You get it."

Wow. That was just so impactful to me. It directly validated why I do what I do, and it meant so much to me that the members understand that I'm not just teaching stuff to hear my own voice, but that I'm saying it out of a place of understanding and concern.

And that understanding and concern probably comes a lot from my own experiences with pain. I often tried to console myself in the midst of my pain by saying "this will help me better relate to the people I work with", and today, I finally got to apply that. I shared my experiences with doctors who, unfortunately, didn't "get it", and with how hard living with pain can be. I think they appreciated that I could relate to them in this way. Honestly, I appreciate being understood by THEM. When I've had to wear my back brace, I've had members talk to me about my pain and their experiences with pain and what they have done to find relief. It has helped me not to feel so alone in my own pain.

Another experience of therapeutic use of self happened with a member I've been working one-on-one with. He struggles with depression and addiction and described the impulse to participate in addictive behavior. I related to him how I have experienced similar feelings with OCD and how I, too, have felt like my anxiety was going to keep increasing until I exploded. I then shared with him some of the advice I was given in therapy, and I realized as I was doing it how much I internalized what I learned in therapy. That was so awesome. A little over a year ago, I was skeptical about starting it, and now, I was truly believing in it enough to use it to help someone else. I'm not sure if it will help this man or not, but I think he feels comfortable sharing his struggles with me because he knows I understand him.

Everyone's experience with pain or other struggles is different, so I can never truly understand a person's experience. No one can. But feeling those feelings together is unifying, encouraging, and I believe, can make a real difference. I was able to feel grateful today for the suffering I have had to go through in my life, and that is something that I can only describe as a small miracle or blessing.